‘If you stay in the EU, we will acknowledge the Wembley goal. And we won’t make any more jokes about Prince Charles’ ears.’

Germany’s biggest-selling tabloid, Bild – equivalent of UK's The Sun – has this as its front page today.

Pleading with Britain not to leave the EU, the editorial playfully references England/Germany rivalries down the years – including the controversial goal that helped England win the World Cup in 1966.

Here’s what the text says in full:

Dear Britain, if you stay in the EU…

  • We will acknowledge the Wembley goal.
  • We won’t make any more jokes about Prince Charles’ ears.
  • We won’t wear sun cream on the beach, in solidarity with your sunburn.
  • We will go without our goalkeeper at the next penalty shootout to make it more exciting.
  • We will introduce tea time, with buckets on the beaches of Majorca.
  • We will willingly provide the villain in every Bond film.
  • We’ll start “ticking” like you and put our clocks back by an hour.
  • We’ll put through an EU directive that forbids foam on our beer.
  • We’ll reserve sun loungers around the pool for you with our towels.
  • Jogi Löw [German football coach] will guard your crown jewels.
  • We will come to your Queen’s 100th birthday.

Well played, Bild.

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