Never mind Paradise Island, Rainbow Island, Pays arc en ciel, etc. This is the land of miracles, where as Akil Bissessur has shown, an Olympics champion swimmer of the horizontal variety can move from NHDC to Au bout du Monde in a newly built palace in the space of 5 years!

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Where the Bank that likes to say yes to all sorts of thieves, the SBM, will give the money of its investors to thieves, fraudsters, and well connected individuals. Of course, the SBM prefers to deal with foreign fraudsters, because then the patriots can say that they can't locate him for the billion rupees loans to be reimbursed...But Mauritians who are well connected and who need a few quick hundreds of millions can do so, provided you know the right people.

Here are some of the steps that you need to take:

1/ Get close to la cuisine, and you stand an excellent chance of being nominated to the Board of the SBM.

2/ Try to become a member of the so called 'expert' team in the Ministry of Finance, and Padaleksi will put you on the Board of the SBM.

3/ If you are footloose and fancy free, get so close to Padaleksi that his leksi juices will flow in abundance.

4/ You will be surrounded by people close to la cuisine on the board, including an ex gablou recently converted by Padaleksi to be a financial expert, and therefore eminently suitable to be on the Board of the SBM.

5/ You will have ex politicians and ex bankers on the Board, and they will help you to learn all the tricks of the trade...If all else fails, the brother of a marsan zanana, now minister, will help you..

Once you are a member of the Board of the SBM, you are halfway to gaining untold riches....especially if you have recently created a Trust Fund of Rs 200 millions in the Seychelles for Padaleksi, so you would expect him to oil the wheels for a massive loan from the SBM to come your way.

You then get the Private Banker of the Prime Minister, Sanjaye Rawoteea, to steer your application for a loan of Rs 200 millions through various rubber stamping committees, just so that you can then use the primary argument of all corrupt bastards should anyone ask any questions, "Mo in suiv tou procedures!". 

Rawoteea is of course the husband of the main zavoka of la cuisine, Ammanah Saya Ragavoodoo. " elle compte une longue liste de membres et proches du Sun Trust comme clients dans les affaires de lakwizinn....  L’époux d’Ammanah Saya Ragavoodoo rejoint, en novembre 2015, la SBM comme Head of Sales and Marketing, avant de grimper au poste de Head of Private Wealth, le département qui traite avec les clients super-riches et avec leurs fortunes. À la SBM, certains de ses collègues le voient comme un ambassadeur de «lakwizinn», «un intouchable»".  

Bear in mind that the guidelines of the Bank of Mauritius clearly stipulate that any loan should be 70% of the security offered by the client. So, one would assume therefore that the security offered by the borrower is worth at least Rs 250 millions, non?

One would hope that her house in King George V Avenue, Floreal, is worth that amount, but as the one on Tik Tok would say, "J'y crois pas!"

So, here is how you get Rs 200 millions from the bank that likes to say yes. Fer lizier dou a Padaleksi, li nomme toi kom Board Director SBM, to fer ene Trust Fund pou Rs 200 millions a Seychelles pou li, to apply pou to loan Rs 200 millions, fer macro la cuisine pilote sa en comite, et voila! Ban zombies pou dire oui, donne li!

L'ile Moriste in vine L'ile Miracle pou ban patriotes! Pa blier! Nou dan ene etat de droit, et nou bizin respect tou nou instititions!

p.s. The name of the SBM Board member (nominated a year ago) now Rs 200 millions richer, is Imalambaal Kichenin, known to her friends as Nishi...By the way, she used to be a teacher at New Eton college some 10-12 years ago, so it is nice to know that you can make so much money afterwards...

Paul Lismore

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